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| Does HR Stand For "Highly Retarded?" |
So I have my resume up on Monster.com because I’m trying to move, in order to move I could
use a new gig. My resume is in no way confusing or obtuse. It clearly states who I am, what I’
m trying to do, and why anyone should give a damn. But from the emails that show up in my
box titled “I saw your resume on Monster.com,” the average Human Resources Assistant CAN’
T READ.
People email me about jobs that are so far out in left field it’s ridiculous. For example, not too
long ago I had a woman email AND CALL me about a job as a skycap at Dulles Airport in
Virginia. The only thing on my resume that remotely indicates any possible interest in this job
is “willing to relocate,” which might involve time spent at airports.
The title of my resume is “Highly Skilled Writer/Editor” (yeah, I know I’m full of it). Below that is
my degree: a B.A. in English, and not from the University of Phoenix. During my introduction,
which is the only thing I imagine most people would read, I clearly state the education I have
and the type of position I’m seeking. Not to mention the second sentence says “Relocating to
Southern California.”
You’d think whoever looks at my resume would at least look at the title and think to
themselves, “Hey, maybe this guy doesn’t want to be a skycap.” But no.
The other day some guy emailed me and told me I had the “perfect skill-set” for some retail
position he was looking to fill. So I check out the qualifications, and they’re things like “Must
be able to lift 50 lbs” and “Must have High School Diploma and Valid Driver’s License.” The
fact that I have a college degree might have led this guy to believe that I also have a High
School Diploma, but I’m not sure why this guy thought I could lift 50 lbs or drive a car. I mean,
it’s not like I have a picture of my bulging biceps or sweet ride on my resume somewhere.
Even when I get an email about a job that’s not too far off the mark, it always sucks. A few
months ago this guy emailed me about an editing position. Okay, we’re good so far. Then I
saw what the salary range was (ten grand less than I make right now, and I don’t make a lot).
Feeling almost insulted, I emailed the guy back and demonstrated my editing skills by
correcting his grammar and spelling. To my surprise, he actually got back to me the next day
and told me he had just filled the position, but he’d keep my resume on file for the future.
The bottom line? Monster.com is worthless. Out of thirty or forty emails I’ve gotten from
prospective employers, I’ve received exactly zero describing non-crappy jobs. I think I’m just
going to have to go get a new job the old-fashioned way: by finding a job I want and taking it at
gunpoint.
use a new gig. My resume is in no way confusing or obtuse. It clearly states who I am, what I’
m trying to do, and why anyone should give a damn. But from the emails that show up in my
box titled “I saw your resume on Monster.com,” the average Human Resources Assistant CAN’
T READ.
People email me about jobs that are so far out in left field it’s ridiculous. For example, not too
long ago I had a woman email AND CALL me about a job as a skycap at Dulles Airport in
Virginia. The only thing on my resume that remotely indicates any possible interest in this job
is “willing to relocate,” which might involve time spent at airports.
The title of my resume is “Highly Skilled Writer/Editor” (yeah, I know I’m full of it). Below that is
my degree: a B.A. in English, and not from the University of Phoenix. During my introduction,
which is the only thing I imagine most people would read, I clearly state the education I have
and the type of position I’m seeking. Not to mention the second sentence says “Relocating to
Southern California.”
You’d think whoever looks at my resume would at least look at the title and think to
themselves, “Hey, maybe this guy doesn’t want to be a skycap.” But no.
The other day some guy emailed me and told me I had the “perfect skill-set” for some retail
position he was looking to fill. So I check out the qualifications, and they’re things like “Must
be able to lift 50 lbs” and “Must have High School Diploma and Valid Driver’s License.” The
fact that I have a college degree might have led this guy to believe that I also have a High
School Diploma, but I’m not sure why this guy thought I could lift 50 lbs or drive a car. I mean,
it’s not like I have a picture of my bulging biceps or sweet ride on my resume somewhere.
Even when I get an email about a job that’s not too far off the mark, it always sucks. A few
months ago this guy emailed me about an editing position. Okay, we’re good so far. Then I
saw what the salary range was (ten grand less than I make right now, and I don’t make a lot).
Feeling almost insulted, I emailed the guy back and demonstrated my editing skills by
correcting his grammar and spelling. To my surprise, he actually got back to me the next day
and told me he had just filled the position, but he’d keep my resume on file for the future.
The bottom line? Monster.com is worthless. Out of thirty or forty emails I’ve gotten from
prospective employers, I’ve received exactly zero describing non-crappy jobs. I think I’m just
going to have to go get a new job the old-fashioned way: by finding a job I want and taking it at
gunpoint.