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| Mick Stillworth: Career Coach to the Stars |
Hey, everybody, glad you all could make it to my inaugural column. My name’s Mick Stillworth,
and I’m a career coach…to the stars. Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself; I’m a
real-life success story! Up until June 2002, I was addicted to crack. I was on my last tooth
when I wandered into a public library in Biloxi, hoping to enjoy some Faulkner (the pages of his
books have a nice, silky texture that makes them easy to digest). Somehow, in my crack-
addled state, I wound up in front of a computer, and ten minutes later had a business degree
from DeVry University.
Growing up on a potato farm in rural Idaho, I’d never had access to good education. Now,
suddenly, I was college-educated! I stopped smoking crack and started reading the library’s
books instead of eating them. Since I was homeless, I had a lot of time on my hands, and in
just eight short months I had read nearly every business book in the library. I also developed
an interest in psychology, so I read a few psych books and picked up another degree in that
subject.
So now, I was quite the educated individual (raise your hand if you have more than one
bachelor’s degree…thought so, suckers!). I felt the time had come to put all my quality
education to good use. I’m a very independent person, and also prone to bouts of inexplicable
rage, plus there’s the whole b.o. thing, so getting an actual job was out. I needed to start my
own business, and so I became a career coach, mostly because of the low overhead.
My first year was tough, to say the least. I didn’t know much about being a career coach, so I
had to give myself on-the-job training. For awhile, I simply went around yelling at my fellow
homeless people, telling them to get jobs and stop being such lazy bums. I thought I was being
helpful, but apparently not everybody appreciated the help because I got stabbed twelve times
with a rusty screwdriver. Being a career coach is a dangerous line of work!
One lengthy hospital stay later, I realized that I needed to reexamine my business model. I
needed to find a way to be a successful career coach and, more importantly, not get stabbed.
That’s when my friend Brian, who owns this website, told me that people can’t stab you or
steal your shoelaces over the Internet. He invited me to write the very column you are now
reading! I jumped at the chance to get in on something like this at the ground floor. A good
career coach knows a good opportunity when he sees one with his one good eye.
So from now on, look for my column once a month on SurlyTaco.com. I’ll be giving career
advice to down-on-their-luck celebrities, because hey, being a has-been is better than being a
never-was. But don’t go thinking old Mick has become all high and mighty. I worked hard to
get my license from the Mick Stillworth Academy of Career-Coachery and T.V. Repair. I’ll also
be taking career-related questions from you, my loyal readers. Should you have need of me, I
can be reached at MickStillworth@surlytaco.com, or at the bus station in downtown Biloxi (the
one across from the YMCA). So until next time, keep your feet on the ground and your one
good eye on Arizona Pete. I don’t trust that guy.
and I’m a career coach…to the stars. Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself; I’m a
real-life success story! Up until June 2002, I was addicted to crack. I was on my last tooth
when I wandered into a public library in Biloxi, hoping to enjoy some Faulkner (the pages of his
books have a nice, silky texture that makes them easy to digest). Somehow, in my crack-
addled state, I wound up in front of a computer, and ten minutes later had a business degree
from DeVry University.
Growing up on a potato farm in rural Idaho, I’d never had access to good education. Now,
suddenly, I was college-educated! I stopped smoking crack and started reading the library’s
books instead of eating them. Since I was homeless, I had a lot of time on my hands, and in
just eight short months I had read nearly every business book in the library. I also developed
an interest in psychology, so I read a few psych books and picked up another degree in that
subject.
So now, I was quite the educated individual (raise your hand if you have more than one
bachelor’s degree…thought so, suckers!). I felt the time had come to put all my quality
education to good use. I’m a very independent person, and also prone to bouts of inexplicable
rage, plus there’s the whole b.o. thing, so getting an actual job was out. I needed to start my
own business, and so I became a career coach, mostly because of the low overhead.
My first year was tough, to say the least. I didn’t know much about being a career coach, so I
had to give myself on-the-job training. For awhile, I simply went around yelling at my fellow
homeless people, telling them to get jobs and stop being such lazy bums. I thought I was being
helpful, but apparently not everybody appreciated the help because I got stabbed twelve times
with a rusty screwdriver. Being a career coach is a dangerous line of work!
One lengthy hospital stay later, I realized that I needed to reexamine my business model. I
needed to find a way to be a successful career coach and, more importantly, not get stabbed.
That’s when my friend Brian, who owns this website, told me that people can’t stab you or
steal your shoelaces over the Internet. He invited me to write the very column you are now
reading! I jumped at the chance to get in on something like this at the ground floor. A good
career coach knows a good opportunity when he sees one with his one good eye.
So from now on, look for my column once a month on SurlyTaco.com. I’ll be giving career
advice to down-on-their-luck celebrities, because hey, being a has-been is better than being a
never-was. But don’t go thinking old Mick has become all high and mighty. I worked hard to
get my license from the Mick Stillworth Academy of Career-Coachery and T.V. Repair. I’ll also
be taking career-related questions from you, my loyal readers. Should you have need of me, I
can be reached at MickStillworth@surlytaco.com, or at the bus station in downtown Biloxi (the
one across from the YMCA). So until next time, keep your feet on the ground and your one
good eye on Arizona Pete. I don’t trust that guy.